COWHC Ladies 2 vs Kenley SP 2 - 03rd Jan 2018

Intro-The warm up routine involved a game of ‘tig’ or was it ‘tag’? The whole debate sparked a conversation later about regional slang and so I decided to write the match report with Brummy slang, some additional fake news and key ‘Trump’ words.

A cold, dull and rainy morning was the setting of the event with most of the team there at 9.15 (yes 9.15!!!). With only 11 players and Louise as a ‘super sub’ energy levels were pushed to their limits. Were the other usual suspects who play for the 2’s ‘waggin’ it (playing truant) or injured? Netty’s support from the side of the pitch seemed to suggest the latter.

The start of the game was unremarkable with the play taking place in Kenley’s half. An early-ish goal from Kenley’s no22 (aka Hannah) was a wake up call and the play picked up from there. Poppy endeavoured to drive the ball up the right on several occasions beating around 6 players in total (fake news?) and almost scoring. Support from Robbo and Jo throughout the game enabled the frontline to make a beeline for the goal but somehow the ball never quite made it into the net.

There was solid defending from the backs and mids with Leggs stealing balls from the oppo and Howhard proving she could outrun their forwards. Mrs B had a ‘bostin’ game (great) but the constant attack from Kenley’s goal hungry forwards was just too much. Vicky failed to repeat her famous dramatic dive into the goal and there wasn’t so much as a ‘gambol’ (forward roll) from her in the whole game. On reflection this was probably a good thing as she stayed on her feet for the whole game and defended like a trooper managing to clear some threatening balls. (scary)

On the left Naomi and Vicky worked tirelessly defending, marking and pushing up allowing Sharon to take up position to drive into the D. On the right Jo and Andrea had several one, two’s and some strong hits across the D. On at least one occasion the ball was traveling at 125mph (fake news) but again it just didn’t quite make it into the goal (bad).

Kenley scored from a short corner (bad) but a bit later in the game lost a corner when they stood around for 20 minutes (fake news) discussing the subject of equal pay in the BBC and whether Phil Neville was really the best person to manage the England women’s football team (fake). Vicky was extremely clever and was able to look like she was hitting the ball from a side hit but in fact the ball just spun around. This attempt to confuse the opposition was met with disapproval from Hannah (aka no22) and Martin was able to quash any mounting tensions within the opposition by shouting very loudly at them. It worked a treat and the game continued (in their favour albeit…). There was a last minute attempt by Andrea to beat the entire opposition on her own single handed but when thwarted she managed to intercept a ball going to Robbo (bad). A pass back in a ‘cack-handed’ way (crap way) to Pav was a cause for concern but Pav heroically managed to retrieve the stray ball. Luckily the whistle blew at this point and COWS had to drown their sorrows back at Kenley club house with pies, beans, tea and ‘pop’ (fizzy drinks).

Despite losing (sad) the mighty cows worked hard. Was this result a total disaster? We have been great in the past and we can still be great. Let’s make COWS great again.

Team
Jo, Howhard, Leggs, Robbo, Pav, Pops, Sharon M, Mrs B, Naomi, Andrea , Vicky and Louise. Umpire Mr B.
Match report by Andrea Vicary