COWHC Ladies 1s vs Merton Ladies 1s - 27th Jan 2018

60 mins until pushback:The team arrive at the pitch. Captain Nicky is already onsite umpiring, sporting last night’s makeup.

30 mins until pushback:The COWs are ‘warming up’ in the changing rooms. Today’s routine involves imitating visually impaired flamingos to the sound of failed toilet flush attempts.

Alex is pondering whether to step onto the pitch after a morning phone call with Mother Hutchinson. Her doubt quickly passes when a loud cheer echoes around the room - someone has managed a successful flush.

15 mins until pushback:It has only just dawned on the COWs that hockey balls are required for the warm-up. A quick dip into the team’s personal stock produces a delightful pink sparkly ball.

During the search for hockey balls Lizzy realises she has taken off her layers far too early. Having turned 21 earlier in the week, her heat retention abilities just aren’t what they used to be.

2’: 2 minutes into the game and Merton are already complaining. Umpire Jay has a few stern words and issues his first warning.

5’: It’s been a slow start for both teams, mainly due to the state of the pitch. The thick layer of sand and mud is not conducive to keeping ball pace above 2mph. Merton’s players try to compensate by hitting the ball as hard as they can into no man’s land. The COWs are much more composed, with some great switching play around the back.

15’ COWHC GOAL (Hutchinson p-flick): Hannah wins a p-flick for the second week in a row, and there is no mistake from Alex as she coolly slots the ball past the keeper, doubling her (official) goal tally for the season.

18’: Ouch! The COWs are a man down after a nasty incident involving 2 sticks, Lizzy’s finger, and a trip to A&E for the birthday girl.

24’: MERTON GOAL: The COWs (who have been fairly dominant up until now) relax for 5 minutes only to see Merton equalise. One of those big hits into no man’s land actually found a player... game on.

30’ COWHC GOAL (Forshaw, assist Hutchinson): A textbook drive along the baseline by Alex who pulls it back for Becky to fire into the goal. (Note: in this instance ‘fire’ is used to describe an averagely paced shot that only just beats the keeper over the goal-line ensuring everyone is kept on the edge of their seats).

HALF TIME: Merton 1 – 2 COWHC

41’: Tani has lost a leg!…or at least that’s how it appears after a shin pad goes flying into the mudflats that have formed on the edge of Croydon’s attacking D. The shin pad is refitted and play resumes.

55’: Despite sustained pressure from the COWs, Merton continue to put up a fight. They have 3 counter-attacks in quick succession, all of which are thwarted by Lena and her flat stick.

60’ YELLOW CARD AND MOM MOMENT (Bartholomeusz, dissent): Merton’s umpire gives a foul against Rachel who is a VERY unhappy about it. The initial green is quickly upgraded to a yellow after the exchange of a few expletives.

67’: Bryony takes a tumble whilst running to retrieve the ball for a sideline hit. Great time delaying tactics in the COWs’ attempt to cling on to their narrow lead.

FULL TIME: Merton 1 – 2 COWHC

15 mins after full time whistle: The COWs are ‘cooling down’ in the changing rooms, celebrating an unbeaten January with a self timed photo.

The team was: Lisa P, Lena, Emer, LBell, Dicko, Lydia, Becky, Alex, Lizzy, Bryony, Nicky, Tani, Hannah and Rachel.

PoM votes: 1 Rachel and Dicko, 2 Lena and Emer, 3.5 Alex, 4.5 Becky

Thanks to Joe, Callum, and Dotty for their support, and to Jay for umpiring.