COWHC Ladies 1s vs Guildford Ladies 2s - 15th October 2016

After an unlucky 1-0 defeat last week, the mighty COWs arrived hoping to steal some points from top of the table Guildford. This time last season we had secured a comfortable 2-0 (should have been 10-0) victory against a weak Guildford side. However on the return fixture Guildford sent out a much stronger team in an unsuccessful bid to save themselves from relegation. As in previous weeks, injury and work commitments had depleted our squad, so we were praying to come up against the first Guildford side. Unfortunately it was the latter we encountered.

From pushback Guildford came out strong – they were quick, kept the ball well and did an excellent job of keeping us in their own half. To be honest, that is all I can really remember of Guildford’s game (including the goals), so have taken a different creative direction for the rest of the report inspired by my waiting around on Jury Service. After the game, various members of the squad were changed with the following 8 counts. I have listened to the prosecution, defence and cross-examination of the witnesses on each of the counts, and have given my verdict below.

Count 1: Not washing kit from the week before.
The accused: Emma and Rachel
Verdict: Not guilty - Evidence showed that both turned up in wet kit having only washed their kit hours (or half an hour in Rachel’s case) before meet time.

Count 2: Not being able to tell the difference between half of the Guildford side
The accused: Everyone
Verdict: Guilty – though perfectly understandable, they all looked 12 and blonde.

Count 3: Lifting the ball (deliberately?) into one's own player and subsequently giving away a short corner.
The accused: Lena
Verdict: The Jury is still out – whilst there is no doubt the ball was lifted into said player and a short corner was awarded, questions still remain around the degree of intent. The defendant pleads innocence, though witnesses claim the ball was lifted in a deliberate (and justified) attempt to shut the player (victim) up.

Count 4: Breaking early on a short corner.
The accused: Dicko
Verdict: Guilty – absolutely no question here. Members of the court particularly enjoyed Dicko’s celebration as she made her way to the half way line.

Count 5: Not moving the ball 5 before firing it into the D on a free hit
The accused: Emer
Verdict: Not guilty – a real success story of the COWHC legal system. The sentence of having to write last week’s match report last was enough to fully rehabilitate.

Count 6: Not executing our newly perfected short corners and 16s in the game
The accused: Everyone
Verdict: Guilty – but I am confident it will happen next time.

Count 7: Winning a short corner off one’s own foot
The accused: Rachel
Verdict: Guilty – The defendant’s previous acting experience came in handy. It was enough to fool the umpires but not enough to outsmart the rest of the team resulting in a few MoM votes.

Count 8: Plotting to tie one of the Guildford team up a tree?!?
The accused: Lena
Verdict: Guilty – Hours after the match and a few glasses of red, Lena is reported to have let slip her plan to tie one of the Guildford team (a smaller member who had been separated from the rest of her squad and left vulnerable to attack as she searched for her lost mouth guard) in a tree.

It was not all bad news. We defended well with Lena, Dicko and Mrs B strong in the middle and Chloe and Santy working well out wide. There were also moments of strong attacking play, with good passing between the midfield and forwards which resulted in chances for Emer and Sharon at the left post. Captain Nicky, on her way back from an ankle injury made an short 10 min appearance, and Jade had an excellent debut.

We now have a two week break to rest and reflect on the first quarter of the season. We will train hard and go again stronger – I have no doubt we can pick up points before Christmas.

The team was: Mrs B, Chloe, Dicko, Lena, Santy, Emma, Emer, Lorraine, Jade, Rachel, Hannah H and Sharon W.

PoM votes were: Emer 0.5, Hannah and Jade 1, Mrs B 5, and Lena (tactically voting to ensure victory) 6.5

MoM votes were: Lena 1, Lorraine 1, Dicko 1.5, and Rachel 6.5 (note to self: check kit is washed well ahead of time).