COWHC Mens' 2s vs Surrey Spartans Men's 2s - 02nd Dec 2017

Finally back home after a couple of weeks on the road, the league leading CROWS were back to defend fortress CHS. With the stage set and the steel cage of battle primed in the glorious afternoon sun, the team began their jovial warm up. Any team who is successful has a leader, someone who is prepared to sacrifice their own safety or reputation and put the needs of the team above their own in order to lead them to victory!

The CROWS have that man in #JP17. As you will know from previous reports, he’s a man who willing do anything for this side, (including as you’ll soon learn, self-harm). So upon entering the cage, the mighty CROWS began with an impromptu game of dangerball! For those who have played, you will know this sharpens the mind, the reflexes and stick to ball co-ordination. As the game progressed #JP17 decided it was time to get to the real drills going and stepped up, comically hitting the ball into his own face to end the game. Like any great warrior he didn’t flinch and simply shrugged of the glancing blow and ordered the warm up to begin. (Let’s be honest the entire team saw, laughed at him and DOD was sealed before the first whistle!)

Onto the game.....when you imagine Spartans you imagine Gerard Butler, 8 packs and a confidence to defend to the death. What transpired was that we were playing a team more like Geoffery the butler, who had drunk an 8 pack and who couldn’t defend a blind man from a peeping tom accusation.

The first half was nervy following some less convincing performances of late. With a slippy pitch and a sluggish start the CROWS and the Spartans were fairly evenly matched. Then the first goal arrived. Ewan (who after hearing of how well the Mighty CROWS had been doing, begged for an opportunity to say he’d played in this magic side), won the ball in the Spartan 23, drove to the right side of the D and with a maturity not seen recently, dropped the ball onto a Spartan foot, for a short corner. From the huddle #JP17 injected to Ewan, for those who have been at training or see this giant man hit a ball, we all knew only two things would happen. The ball would either break or the familiar thunking sound of the backboard singing would be heard. The latter it was and 1-0 to the CROWS.

With the goal came nerves. CROWS not advancing up the field as their obvious skill and ability would demand. As such it remained 1-0 at the half.

With a rallying call at half time and the demand for an injection of fun the second half pushed back.

Immediately the mighty CROWS were playing with a new swagger, a smile, a shimmy, a belief that they were top of the league for a reason and not just out of luck. With the defence impenetrable, Chaundy making a fantastic save from a short corner, Sam T clearing one off the line and the attacking midfield and forwards beginning to click it was time to move the score on.

With swift passing and some slick dribbling, Jaideep found himself with the ball top of the D, he drove to the right and with a swing (and a miss) he faked a pass (right?) then with space tried again, the ball being expertly redirect (close eyes and swing) into the goal for a second rendition of the thunk song by #JP17. 2-0 CROWS.

With the Spartans now committing as many of their outfield players to attack as possible, it took some magic for the next goal. Step up Sam T; the ever energetic ginger ninja of our defence turned into Tom Brady. Seeing the space, he took the snap (simple return pass from Dawes) side stepped an attacker and launched the ball from our 16 yard line into the Spartan half. Now if any of you have seen Sam attempt this before he usually fails.....the shock of a complete aerial and one which found Ollie H with space was mesmerising. The last defender was also caught up in the shock and awe as Ollie took the ball down expertly, brought the ball strong and slipped it past him to the open #JP17. With only the goalkeeper to beat #JP17 drove forward, with a simple shimmy to the right and a step to the left he deceived the goalkeeper (basically making a simple chance more difficult so he could shoot on his reverse). Taking it from strong to reverse he made space and dispatched the ball into the corner of the goal. The third rendition of the thunk song being played for the day 3-0!

The fourth came again from some neat play from midfield a shot from the top of the D with a good save from the keeper saw the predator #JP17 complete his hat-trick with a thumping finish off the rebound and the fourth play of the thunk song. 4-0.

The final goal came from the yet another break away. A burst from the halfway line saw a pass to Joe who’s run had taken him to the hash tag mark. With his reverse he, let’s say cushioned the ball first time with the right amount of weight to Ollie on the P spot. With one swift swing of his stick the fifth and final rendition of the thunk song was played! 5-0 and the game was finally over.

Spartans were sent home (via tea at ours, the ever gracious hosts) to tell others of the danger the mighty CROWS possess.

Just as some out takes for those who like the funnier side of the game. We were watched by our celebrity fan Max Charracher, who saw #JP17 end up on his butt a number of times (claims of a slippy pitch dismissed). Ollie H due to the shock of actually being passed the ball in the D by #JP17 stood still let the ball go through his legs and off the pitch rather then score, Alex using his head to tackle a Spartan on two different occasions virtually knocking himself out in the process. Steve looking like a Mexican migrant with his post Movember tash, made a late charge for DOD with a green card for not being 5 yards in the last 3 minutes of the game.

A 5-0 win, two points clear at the top of the league and a juicy encounter next week against Trinity set up the lead to Christmas well!

Thank you Scotty and Jack for umpiring and the side line support.