COWHC Men's 3s vs Sunbury & Walton Hawks Men's 4s - 24th Feb 2018

A day in the life of Indy Chatwal.

24th February 2018.

6.06am: woke up mid dream dreaming about a sharing a hot tub with those guys in went to see in the dreamboys show! I wish I could come out to the hockey boys, and god I wish every dream was like that! Why is my bed sticky? I’ll have to wash my bedding AGAIN! I hate it when this happens. “Mum!!” “it’s happened again!!”. :/

8.08 am – woke up, yes!! Today is the day I get to find out how in did in the ‘South Croydon Male Calendar Models’ competition. I hope all that time taking selfies in the gym paid off!

8.45am. I should finally get out bed, but these bed sheets are completely stuck to me. “Mum!! Can I have a hand??” No mum, not that sort of hand!!! I Get up, take off my hello kitty pyjamas. Check the mirror. I know I say it every day, but I actually am I the best looking bloke in the world! Thank you lucky stars!

8.46am. Mum helped me out of bed and brought me breakfast. She’s so great, even if she did confess to fancying all my friends. It’s so obvious why I’m so good looking!

9.09 check the post. What the f***!? I got rejected from the south Croydon calendar models competition? It must have been unfair on the other contestants. I don’t think anyone’s ever been rejected for being too good looking before! God I’m good looking!

9.15 Hockey today! I am such a great guy. I think I’m going to offer to play for the 3s today. Just when they thought I couldn’t be any better a bloke, I go and offer to play for the 3s. What a bloke! They don’t make them like me anymore. I can publicise stuff like this when I open my charity. More people should be like me!

9.45 check my bank account. So annoying that my brand new Mercedes convertible takes up all my money, but it’s so worth it for how everyone looks at me!! Maybe I might get to share a hottub with one of the dreamboys after all if I drive it around after their show enough! After my modelling career takes off ill be able to afford a Ferrari anyway!

9.50 look into the mirror, pluck my eyebrows
9.55 look in the mirror, apply blusher
10.00 look in the mirror, put on my eye liner.
10.05 am look in the mirror, out on lipstick
10.10 still looking in the mirror
10.15 still looking in the mirror. How do girls get ready in only 2 hours? It takes guys like me at least 3!
10.18 one quick last look in the mirror
10.20 ok, just one more look in the mirror. God I’m good looking. Is it even possible for people to be this good looking? Am I a real person?
10.25 ok, one final look in the mirror. I need a bigger mirror! S***! I’m late for hockey!!! I’ll just spend 5 more minutes looking in the mirror
10.29 okayyyyy, just one last look in the mirror. Quick selfie. I could spend all day doing this! Oh wait, I normally do.
10.30 right, time for hockey. I’m pretty great at hockey to be fair! How did I even get this good? Raj is S***!
10.58 arrive at hockey. Look in the selfie cam mirror on my phone. Quick selfie for my followers. Ready to go. Remember not to tell the hockey boys about that dream I had!
11.00 start of the game. Ah s***, I should probably do some running. Actually, no, let’s be serious. I’m too good at hockey to run! I’ll stand here and wait for the ball to come to me. How did I get this intelligent!?!? Raj is sooo stupid!

11.10 ah, someone passed to me. I’m in the D. Oooh I love a big D. Mulley is free on the p spot. No defenders for a country mile. You know what, I’ll have a shot anyway. My shot went to Mulley! He scored! I’m good at hockey when I don’t even mean to be! And a great bloke too. I should start up a charity in my name. What a great idea. I love Hockey!

11.25 I’ll stand by the post I think. Their keeper is quite rotund. Not as fat as the girl I tried it on with last night, but still generously proportioned. He can keep me warm! How did I get this intelligent!? How did he get so fat!? That reminds me for what I really came here for! Teas better be good today!

11.30 I knew this would work!! TC shot, their keeper saved it, and it came to me on the back post, open goal. Doesn’t matter that I nearly missed an open goal because I scored! When are they going to finish that statue of me? It better be soon! I need to do that application for prime minister. No, wait, King! Have you SEEN that guy who's our current prime minister!? What's his name again? I'm too intelligent to be prime minister! S*** the ball came to me again!

11.35 Balls, I did actually miss an open goal this time. They better leave that out of the match report! I guess I’m human after all!

11.40 some seriously great play by the team! They're almost as good as me! Fantastic defending by Hutch, dp, Chalkie, and even Lewis at the back! Sunbury have absolutely no way through. A bit like any other contestant when I enter a beauty competition!

11.45 more brilliant play in midfield – Swifty, Harvs and Steelers running the show in the middle. So awesome how my talent rubs off on everyone else! Sunbury fully stretched at the back, and wave after wave of Croydon attacks happening like waves of my fans outside my house! They just can’t get out of their half! Croydon are camped in the Sunbury half like me when I camped outside the dreamboys boxoffice when VIP backstage tickets got released!

11.50 – Mulley, TC and me linking up brilliantly in attack. Constant 3 on 2’s, and it could be 5 or 6 – Nil. Short corner after short comer but they’re still holding out! Somehow at only 2-0!

11.55 Mind wandering again. Thinking about dreamboys for some reason?

12.05 Thinking about that statue of me

12.10 Halftime! 2-0 to us. Should be more. dp said something about not letting them get back into the game and using the width! I need to make the most of my concentration span.. If he was topless and oiled up and shaved his chest I might have focus a bit more on what he said!
12.15 Quick selfie. Second half starts

12.25 Sunbury literally can’t get out of their half. When they do out midfield and defence have them completely covered and we win the ball back. We need to win all of our remaining games and we’re guaranteed promoted, but this is a good start!

12.30 – Boom! I scored again! My second goal! Swifty’s shot ricochets to me off the keeper and I slam it home from 5 yards! This is too easy!

12.45 Shot from the short corner came to me! Off their keeper! I scored again! That's a hat-trick! Fast track that application of mine to become King immediately! God when the dreamboys cast hear about this...

13.00 Game over, 4-0 win. Hockey is too easy for me! I need a harder challenge...

14.00 Drinking port with the boys in the bar. Quick look in the mirror. God I'm good looking!

15.00 More port. Cheeky trip to the toilet to look in the mirror. God I really am good looking!

15.30 Nicky Wilson has been in the shower for Bloody half an hour! I need to check I’m still good looking in the mirror soon! Hurry up Nicky! How can anyone spend so long in the shower!? There’s people without water in Africa! That reminds me, I need to open up the Indy Chatwal fund where I can publicise the great stuff I do.

16.00 Bit more port. Nicely oiled by now. A bit like the dreamboys! Quick look in the mirror. God I really am a damn fine looking human being!

17.00 Watching rugby. Those thighs!

18.00 Drinking port. Port is nice! I love port.

19.00 Too much port. Bedtime. I need my beauty sleep. Set reminder to apply to become King / Prime minister tomorrow. Quick look in the mirror. God I'm good looking! Ooh its nearly March, I'll have a sneak peek at what the March picture is like on my Sexiest male hockey players calendar! March Is Dominic Coe! Ooh, those thighs!! I need to spend more time in the gym taking selfies and I’ll eventually look like that!
"Night mum!" What a great day! I love hockey!

--
Match report by jack
Final Score: CROWS M3’s: 4 – 0 Sunbury M4’s. Great team performance and looking good as we go into the last few weeks of the promotion fight. If we win our remaining games and we’re guaranteed promotion!
MOM: Indy – Great hat-trick and all round great guy.
DOD: Jack M – Car issues, wearing tights to play, being ginger