COWHC Men's 3s vs Epsom Men's 5s - 22nd October 2016

So after 4 matches with the 4th team I get a sudden, shock call up back to the 3rd for this week’s match against Epsom 5s. I don’t want to start any blasphemous rumours, but I think that’s more to do with my match report writing skills than anything hockey related – I believe that Captain Du Pre (dP) has had enough of walking in my shoes and just can’t get enough of my music related musings!

So, after meeting at the clubhouse we headed off in a convoy to the match with Hutch, Keith and others behind the wheel. That meant the majority of the squad arrived at the pitch in good time, had a good warm up and were well prepared for the match. dP talked us through the formation and tactics like our own personal Jesus.

Corny, who had come directly, arrived late, stripped and found out that he’d forgotten his shorts, so ended up having to play in his tracksuit bottoms. That must have been a distraction for everyone, even though he started on the bench, as when the match started something looked a bit wrong. “Get the balance right!” came the call from dP, before another glance showed we had actually started with 12 players on the pitch!

Everything counts in hockey – except apparently the umpires, teams and people on the sideline, who can’t tell the difference between 11 and 12!!!

After a quick reshuffle, in keeping with the policy of truth within the game, the correct numbers were then present on both sides. Despite the mix up, which led to a lot of condemnation of dP’s innumeracy, we’d started well and, with the correct number of players on the pitch, that continued.

The defence were holding firm, allowing stand-in keeper Guy to enjoy the silence that comes with a high press. The passes were flowing round the back, the midfield were weaving patterns and the forwards were creating havoc in the Epsom D.

We thought the first goal had arrived when young Adam volleyed the ball into the net… unfortunately he’d used his foot rather than his stick, so it was rightly disallowed. But we didn’t have long to wait before a legitimate goal came, with another sweeping move leading to Jay finishing from close range.

Half time arrived with us only the one goal to the good, despite the dominance. The team talk was therefore quite simple, keep doing what we were doing and it would only be a question of time before the next goal came.

And come it did, quite quickly in fact as once again our passing and movement proved too much for Epsom and Jay was presented with another chance to finish, which he duly did.

Goal 3 followed, young Adam following Jay’s lead and also finishing a fine move – not so much master and servant as master and apprentice. Goal 4 was another demonstration of simple hockey. Steve Brooks took a sideline hit from right back, which went back to Hoops and across to me at left back. I took it forward a bit, drew the opposition player and slipped it into the middle to Steve McKeown who went on a rampaging run before releasing Jay to complete his hattrick.

Adam added the fifth and Jay rounded things off with his fourth and the team’s sixth. Those two may have got their names on the scoresheet, but this was the epitome of a team performance, as demonstrated by the spread of votes for POM (even I managed 1.5! I feel loved guys…), but the winner was Dave Harvey thanks to a dominant display in defensive midfield meaning those of us at the back had little to do in actual fact.

DOD was also a close thing thanks to dP’s inability to ensure the correct number of players started the game, however, after a fragile tension the announcement was made that Corny had won thanks, of course, to his attempt to look like MC Hammer.