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Sat 11 Mar 2017 · Hampshire/Surrey 2
Mens 1st XIH A C 1
9
1
COWHC Men's 1s vs HAC Men's 1s - 11th March 2017
Christopher Maundrell14 Mar 2017 - 09:45
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We won 9 - 1 Report by Cal
An excerpt from Callum "Nigella" Chaundy's latest best seller
A Recipe for Shoe Pie
With nearly half a millennium of history, the HAC has developed and established many a fine custom and tradition. Last weekend HAC discovered a new tradition, shoe pie, no game of hockey against Croydon and Old Whitgiftians is complete without a nice slice of shoe pie. The following is a recipe for such an occasion. (Please see last week’s recipe for Hamble pie.)
Ingredients:
11 Honourable Artillery Company players.
16 Crows (incl. Aaryn defence).
16 pairs of winners socks.
1 5 cans of foamburst.
1 Shaun’s sister.
1 Chaundys mum.
1 snapchat filter.
2 yellow cards.
1 green card.
9 goals.
1 absent Dominic.
1 70 minute goalie.
Preparation:
1. Ensure your Kumar-Shumar has been locked up in Bedford all week and hasn’t been exposed to wider society, this mixes well with Shaun’s sister and causes a pent-up rage that will ensure seven goals.
2. See to it that your Tim arrives late due to over-running of choir practice, and enters the fray with a first touch akin to that of a catholic priest (cold, harsh and overall a bit wrong).
3. Ensure your team exudes a healthy confidence, this confidence is sometimes mistaken for arrogance ‘it’s not arrogance if it’s the truth, Feebs, 2017. (However it would be arrogant to call yourself league champions as part of a goal celebration pre-Christmas).
4. Do ensure that a Dominic is absent as this will ensure only one shot sails wildly over the crossbar for an open goal, rather than the normal dozen.
Method:
Take an early two goal lead via Kumar-Shumar (trying to impress Shauns sister) and an incredible dummy by Drury (trying and succeeding to impress Dovey).
The culmination of which will lead the Umpire secretary to say to the CROWs goalie ‘well that’s the game’ (and CROWs are called arrogant!).
After which promptly go to sleep for the rest of the half.
Ensure you have a rip-rawing half time speech where you decide to stop being polite and score more goals than the opposition. At this time it’s best to declare, very quietly in the corner, if you have in fact, been sent off.
Start the second half with a slow-burn which slowly builds in a furious rage spearheaded by the aforementioned Kumar-Shumar.
Do watch out for Airplanes as this may distract any new aviation students, the distraction may lead to them being left for dust by a balding man twice their own age, resulting in the aviation pilot lashing out and spending the rest of the match on the bench. Although from the bench they can ensure their social media is up to date, choosing the very finest snapchat filter.
A Recipe for Shoe Pie
With nearly half a millennium of history, the HAC has developed and established many a fine custom and tradition. Last weekend HAC discovered a new tradition, shoe pie, no game of hockey against Croydon and Old Whitgiftians is complete without a nice slice of shoe pie. The following is a recipe for such an occasion. (Please see last week’s recipe for Hamble pie.)
Ingredients:
11 Honourable Artillery Company players.
16 Crows (incl. Aaryn defence).
16 pairs of winners socks.
1 5 cans of foamburst.
1 Shaun’s sister.
1 Chaundys mum.
1 snapchat filter.
2 yellow cards.
1 green card.
9 goals.
1 absent Dominic.
1 70 minute goalie.
Preparation:
1. Ensure your Kumar-Shumar has been locked up in Bedford all week and hasn’t been exposed to wider society, this mixes well with Shaun’s sister and causes a pent-up rage that will ensure seven goals.
2. See to it that your Tim arrives late due to over-running of choir practice, and enters the fray with a first touch akin to that of a catholic priest (cold, harsh and overall a bit wrong).
3. Ensure your team exudes a healthy confidence, this confidence is sometimes mistaken for arrogance ‘it’s not arrogance if it’s the truth, Feebs, 2017. (However it would be arrogant to call yourself league champions as part of a goal celebration pre-Christmas).
4. Do ensure that a Dominic is absent as this will ensure only one shot sails wildly over the crossbar for an open goal, rather than the normal dozen.
Method:
Take an early two goal lead via Kumar-Shumar (trying to impress Shauns sister) and an incredible dummy by Drury (trying and succeeding to impress Dovey).
The culmination of which will lead the Umpire secretary to say to the CROWs goalie ‘well that’s the game’ (and CROWs are called arrogant!).
After which promptly go to sleep for the rest of the half.
Ensure you have a rip-rawing half time speech where you decide to stop being polite and score more goals than the opposition. At this time it’s best to declare, very quietly in the corner, if you have in fact, been sent off.
Start the second half with a slow-burn which slowly builds in a furious rage spearheaded by the aforementioned Kumar-Shumar.
Do watch out for Airplanes as this may distract any new aviation students, the distraction may lead to them being left for dust by a balding man twice their own age, resulting in the aviation pilot lashing out and spending the rest of the match on the bench. Although from the bench they can ensure their social media is up to date, choosing the very finest snapchat filter.
Further reading