COWHC Men's 1s vs Southampton Men's 1s - 18th February 2017

I'm here today to update the CROWs members on the incredible progress that has been made in the last four weeks since my inauguration. We have made incredible progress. I don't think there's ever been a president elected who in this short period of time has done what I've done for the CROWs hockey team.

Let me give you the reality. We used a proper poll, in fact. Because the members get it. Much of the media and the hockey leagues don’t get it. They actually get, but they don’t write it. Let’s put it that way. But a new poll came out a very short while ago and it has the CROWs as top of the National Premier League and winning the Euro Hockey League. That’s the truth.

We’ve hit record numbers, as you know. There have never been more spectators at a hockey game than there were last week when the CROWs played against Southampton. Trust me on this. There were like, 20,000 people. You know. Watching the bully off thing.
I want to address the lies about Southampton apparently, you know. Doing what they’ve been doing. It’s all lies, folks. Just because their coach may have been Russian, nobody in my administration had anything to do with the result on Saturday.

It's all fake news. It's all fake news. The nice thing is, I see it starting to turn, where people are now looking at the lies from the South Hockey League -- I think it's very important -- the illegal, giving out false information. It was -- and let me just tell you, it was given out like so much. It was all Hillary.

There have been rumours that the CROWs lost a game. Can you believe that? The lying media again. A 6-4 loss they say it was. Some rubbish about us not playing the way we normally play? I dunno. It just doesn’t sit right with me. The only thing that is true about that report is that we scored 3 goals in the last 5 minutes. But all that fabrication about getting overloaded? Wayward passes out from the back? All Hillary. I’m going to send her to jail, folks.

We actually scored 12 tries and a conversion. Mike Ford was amazing. You know. He’s a great guy. The press keep saying he’s an animal but don’t believe it, folks.

But it’s all ok. I’m in charge now. It’s going to be great. The season’s going to be great. Trust me. I know more about hockey than anybody else. I taught Danny Kerry and Bobby Crutchley. And that guy Jon Foley. Taught them everything I know. Trust me. No-one knows how to build a wall better than me, and that’s what we’re going to do to stop those people from Andover next week. They only ever send their bad hombres. Trying to take points away from CROWs members. Not on my watch. We’re even going to make them pay for it.

We’re going to make the CROWs great again.