COWHC Men's 1s vs Winchester Men's 2s - 08th October 2016

[b[/b]Disclaimer: I cannot guarantee the order of the goals being scored is correct. But before you complain please grant me the artistic licence to ad lib that part (and most of this report tbh (that means to be honest for the less 'hip', more 'hip replacement' cohort of CROWS (Jon Foley)).
Warning: I am currently on a 2 hour flight so this report will not be succinct. You have been warned!!
So where to start... probably the beginning.
We arrived at the school that must not be named (Trinity) prompt and ready for a fun fuelled hockey bonanza.
The match started with Crows facing due South East and the Winchestians (Winch from here-on in) facing due West (I agree a strange way to starb from them). With Robert Fullerton-Batten (Mr. Fibz from here-on in), intentionally, botching the coin toss Winch began the game with a hard push pass. This was probably the highlight for them in the first 5 minutes as shortly after this our resident Tritonion, Mr. Coe-O'Brien (Although he prefers to be addressed by his street name D CoB) scored a fantastic reverse stick sweep between four defenders and straight pass the keeper into the bottom corner. The cynics among us may have argued there were passing options left, right (x3), in-front, and behind (x2) of D CoB but alas I am no cynic. The young gents illustrious dribble completely tore apart the opposition, who were shellshocked by the sheer power, yet grace he glided through them.
Now a lesser team may rest on their lorals after such an emphatic start. But we are no lesser team. Enthused by the aformentioned, the CROWS were relentless and continued to bombard the Winches circle.
The first was scored again by D CoB who, after picking up the pieces from a distinctly average shot from yours truly (CKS), was able to roof it at speeds that made the ground below shake more than a poloroid picture.
For the second our resident fashion icon, David Bell, slapped the ball from outside the 23, with a mesmorising concoction of elegance and ferocity (similar to his attire), into the D. I, CKS, be it luck or skill (most would say the former), managed to deflect the ball through my legs and past the keepers left side.
Now I will take a break from in depth description for a bit as we had an absolutely *insert explicit* 10 minutes. In that time Winch also scored a goal and the rain led to Jon Foley becoming extremely distressed (post-match reports revealed this was because his fake tan began to run and he had left his back-up at home).
The final goal of the half was something straight out of the Barcelona playbook (provided exclusively by our resident Spaniard Javier). Following a darting run and exhibition of pure strength on the left side, a flurry of tika taka play ensued, with Benjy ending the move with a fantastic strike (yes strike) into the bottom right corner.
Come half time the CROWS were fairly confident, clearly the stronger team both mentally and physically.
However, with great power comes great responsibility and the CROWS knew they had a point to prove, not just on that pitch, but in life. The teamtalk alone was one for the ages; think Braveheart, 300, Rocky, Finding Nemo all rolled into one. N.b. for censorship reasons we are unable to provide a transcript at this time.
THE SECOND HALF!
The second half started just like the first... with a push back.
Unfortunately for the CROWS...
the aformentioned teamtalk was actually given in the Winches goal. They came out faster and harder the first 10 minutes and snatched back two goals to put them only a goal behind. A special mention to the Mr. Tumnus look-alike, who played for the Winches, who was able to pluck out a deflection from a ball cannoned in at his midrift.
Weaker teams would be phased by this sudden resurgence from the opposition and begin to collapse and fold. But the blue and reds managed to Russell up the inner CROWe, forgetting about being the 'Nice Guys' and unlocking the 'Gladiator' inside. For what must have seemed like 'The Next Three Days' these Men 'of Steel' showed 'Virtuocity' in the following 'State of Play', exploiting their 'Beautiful Minds' to show that 'The Sum of Us' was enough to totally outsmart the 'Body of Lies' that were the Winches. The tactics employed involved 'Breaking Up' the Winches plays early to mount a counter-attack, with 'The Crossing' 'Insider' the box leaving 'No Way Back' for the Winches, providing 'Proof of Life' that never dwindles in these 'Ultimate Fight'-ers that we all know and love as The CROWS.
With this new found spirit, the CROWS continued to peck away at the oppositions D and after what must have been, at least, 836468353 short corners the CROWS were able to claw back a goal. A special mention must go to Mark Collard for one of the all time best assists; following a short corner, a melee occured about 5 yards from the left hand post. The ball fell to Mark (or as I like to call him 'the special one') , and with players closing in from all around, he was able to maintain composure like that I have never seen. The keeper came charging out and planked at Mark's feet. Instead of slipping it straight under or over the keeper, Mark (the wizard he is) decided to play a one-two off the keeper (genius)! The ball came back to him at waist height (never a question whether it was intentional or not) giving him perfect line of vision of the goal and the surrounding area. Never the selfish one, Mark saw me running across the goal line and without hesitation he looped the ball in the direction of the goal. And my stick (which at this point was head height). Now given the ball was already travelling in the direction of the goal, all I had to do was help the ball that extra 0.05 yards over the line.
To the untrained eye this may have looked like I completely and utterly goal-poached this one. But alas, not to 'the special one'. He didn't need to say anything to me (and coincidentally hasn't since the game finished either), but I knew all he wanted to do was set me up. What a man!
Sitting at 5-3 our resident Whitgift teacher, Mr Borton (or Eddie if your chums like him and I) could not hold his frustration for having to spend his afternoon at a rival school. You could see the anger boil up in him and like a raging bull he pounded through the opposition. In a blink of an eye he went from right back to right in front of goal. With the target in sight he channeled his inner beast and guided the ball into the bottom left corner corner.
The planes landing so i'll keep the rest short (if you've made it down this far congratulations). The final goal was a very simple tap in past the keepers foot by yours truly. This capped off a hatrick from a combined total of about 10 yards.
Special mention to Jono Long who not only ised his left foot, but also pulled off some important saves at crucial times. It was a pleasure to have you back.
MoM Tom Drury who put in a splendid effort at the back, also adding an aerial threat to our attack.
DoD: Some weeks your resident DoD does not deserve the title. However, despite Fibz flicking the ball into his ear and subsequently losing hearing, the ever honest DoD must admit I probably did deserve this one. Now it could have been for several reasons (including a couple of slips and flicking the ball into myself and not the goal) but I think denying Mark a goal (which i'm only kind of sorry for) was probably a worthwhile reason.
To wrap things up let me just say: "there is no I in team, but through hard-work, dedication (and a bit of grooming) there is always a mate," (Kumar-Shaw, 2016).