Mens 3rd XI
Matches
Sat 10 Nov 2018  ·  Division 1
Cranleigh Men's 1s
4
4
Croydon & Old Whitgiftian HC
Mens 3rd XI
COWHC Men's 3s vs Cranleigh Men's 1s - 10th Nov 2018

COWHC Men's 3s vs Cranleigh Men's 1s - 10th Nov 2018

Christopher Maundrell14 Nov 2018 - 09:24
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We drew 4 - 4 Report by Dave

A day in the life of Inderjit Chatwal

Cranleigh 4 Croydon Old Whitgiftians 4

With an 8am meet planned for the trip to Cranleigh, I arose from my pit feeling broken and abused
around 7:57am, obviously this meant that I was late for the meet… Donning my hockey kit and
having to use last nights Patka as mummy Chatwal had forgot to wash my lucky match day one… this
is not good news at all, how am I supposed to score today.

8:05am… I am already late so what’s an extra few minutes, DP needs me to play as I am so good and
am the leading points scorer in the fantasy league so obviously he will wait for me to arrive.
As its bulking season, I needed to check my weight so I hop on to the scales. Pre-Game weight… 16st
2lbs… Finally I have hit the 16 stone mark… I am really proud of myself...

8:10am… I finally arrive to meet my team-mates… I check if any of them have seen my most recent I
See Media posts but DP cuts short the replies as we need to get on our merry way. As I am such a
pimp, I put down the roof and turn up the radio so all the b****** can see me in my wagon whilst I
cruise along listening to Magic Radio...

After a quick stop at 2 McDonalds and a KFC to get some pre-match protein on board… Did I tell you
it is bulking season, we arrived at the Charterhouse Club, its proper posh here, lots of white people, I
am not sure if they are going to like my brother Pardeep and I…

9:40am… with 20 minutes to push back, all the lads are going through their pre-match routines. Our
coach Dave is playing with us today, he’s really good and practising throwing large aerials, maybe
he will teach me one day. The opposition still haven’t arrived; maybe they have seen our fantasy
hockey page and are scared I am going to score lots of goals against them… Pussies!!

9:41am... The Cranleigh team have arrived in mass, and they look rubbish… I am going to score loads
of goals today.

9:59am… DP has won the toss; we are going to start with the ball. First victory to us… F U
Cranleigh…

10:01am… Ollie blows the whistle and Pad (he’s my brother), passes to Dave… Dave throws the
biggest aerial I have seen…. It goes 3 yards along the floor to a Cranleigh player who runs in to the D,
wins a short corner and promptly scores… 1-0 down inside 45 seconds… Well Done Dave… you’re
rubbish!!

Now I must admit, I don’t remember much of the match as I was chatting to the CB of Cranleigh
about my new business… Have I mentioned it before…? It’s a social media company called I See
Media… He looked really bored, but he must be clueless about business, because this business is
going places.

Pardeep scored 1... it was a really good finish but I can’t tell him that as he will think he’s better than
me and he isn’t better than me… Fantasy Hockey told me so, he’s only 3rd best forward behind Joe
and he is rubbish as well… I should have his place in the 2s, but DP needs me so I can’t leave.
Brad scored twice as well… but we were still 4-3 down with 30 seconds to go. We somehow got a
short corner; I don’t remember how as the CB had said he’d get me some business if I stopped
talking about my company. The short corner team got together and I kept telling Hutch that I should
take it as I am the best player in the team. Hutch ignored me and told Dave to drag flick… Jack
injected to Hutch and Dave drag flicked it home to make it 4-4... Pardeep mounted Dave and
team celebrations were loud with lots of whooping and cheering. I am disappointed as I didn’t
score… Brad, Pardeep and Dave stole my chances…

12:48pm… I arrive home to find out that nobody voted me for Man of the Match, what game were
these people watching… I was bossing it and that CB didn’t tackle me once… I go downstairs and
blame mummy Chatwal as she didn’t have my lucky Patka ready for the game and obviously that is
why I didn’t score…

1:04pm… I jump on the scales… Post-Game weight… 16st 4lbs… BOOM… Finally something has gone
right today... Bulking season is going well…

My game stats:
Pre-Game Weight – 16st 2lbs
Post-Game Weight – 16st 4lbs
Total Goals – 0 (they stole them, it’s not fair)
I See Media clients – 1 (I am so glad Mummy Chatwal told Raj he had to use my company for his
social media)

Match details

Match date

Sat 10 Nov 2018

Kickoff

10:00

Competition

Division 1
Team overview
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