COWHC Men's 3s vs Guildford Men's 3s - 10th Feb 2018

It was a very wet and very cold late afternoon when we turned up to CHS to play one of the harder matches in our run to end of the season. Being 4 points ahead of 3rd place Sunbury we knew that even with that cushion we couldn’t be complacent. Guildford have enjoyed a good run of form of late and were hot on the heels of Sunbury and needed to win the rest of their games to have a good chance at promotion, especially as they wouldn’t have a chance to play Sunbury thanks to the quirks of the 14 team league setup.

As we wait for Sanderstead to finish their boxing match against the very scary 14 year old opponents, Guildford players started turning up.

Our last game was a thrilling back and forth that ended 4-3 of which 3 goals were scored in the dying 15 minutes, to say we were pushed all the way by a good mixture of youth and age, would be an understatement.

As more of Guildford turned up we realised that the average age of this team would struggle to buy a pint with fake ID. COWHC M3s were suddenly feeling more like a Zimmer frame Honour Guard (ZHG) in comparison.

With the pre-game punching match debacle finally finishing, we run on pitch and immediately informed by the umpires we have 5 minutes till pushback this allowing us a chance to catch the second half of England vs Wales.

Queue some very stilted pregame prep that looked more like a geriatrics therapy session compared to the youthful exuberance shown by Guildford.

Whistle blows and Guildford instantly get on the attack, their youth belying the skills they had, weaving, passing, and moving like seasoned pros. Thankfully experience and our high intensity marking paid off and we got the ball back before they got near the danger zone.

Off we went on the counter attack, playing some sublime hockey which included some brilliant 1-2 passing between Dave Colley and Harvs, and great pinpoint picks to help push Guildford onto the back foot. To our horror we realised that their CB was beyond godlike and could pick a ball within a half mile radius of where he stood (this maybe a minor exaggeration but definitely not beyond the realms of reality). Turns out he is in the U15 England Development Squad as a keeper!

That kid knew where to be and exactly where that ball was going be it on ground or air. Tackle after tackle and intercept after intercept were made frustrating our efforts. We created a few chances that were expertly saved by a keeper equally as capable as the CB. Notably their keeper made an unreal stick save off a fast moving, close range, cross goal, deflected shot. This was quickly followed up by a quadruple save starting from one side of his goal to the other picking the ball out of the air twice! What the hell are we playing against, Team Gandalf?

“You Shall Not Pass!” Shots, shorties, deflections, passing, flicks, slips, everything! We used everything we had and just couldn’t get the goal.

Defensively we, the Zimmer frame Honour Guard, limited Guildford to a small number of counter attacks thanks to great marking and stepping in front. Roughly 10 minutes before half time and disaster struck. Having been camped in their half for almost 15 minutes, Guildford’s youthful unlimited energy and patience paid off. After a ZHG attack, they quickly countered and put together some brilliant runs and passing to get a well-earned short corner. The first was saved but hit a foot on the way out of the D. The second time Guildford drag flicked the ball into the top right corner. Ouch.

1-0 Guildford.

Half time talk was about keeping up pressure, be more composed in front of goal, and play wide to mitigate their CB! It was about this time that some of the braver M2’s turned up with some sideline refreshments to support us despite the cold and rain. Thanks guys!

Second half was almost identical to the first, the Zimmer frame Honour Guard dominated possession and were on the attack 80% of the game. Time and time again we hammered at the Guildford defence but it stood strong as Guildford were throwing everything they had behind the ball.

Then it happened! From a short corner we blasted the ball which took a deflection from the runner, keeper kicks the ball straight into the top of Joe’s shin. Joe takes a reversed cover drive shot at goal and it smacks the backboard! GOAAAALL!!!! Queue lots of shouting and telling the youths to “get off our land!”

It was at this moment the moment when one of the umpires (both supplied by us), I shall not name names, tries to disallow the goal. He was reminded by the more senior umpire that as the keeper kicked the ball it was technically dangerous play, he allowed advantage to which we scored. A red faced umpire ran back to his end.

With 20 minutes remaining, the batteries in our mobility scooters started to run out of juice. Space to open up for the whippersnappers to start causing real trouble. The very young forward Casper “the friendly ghost” (as he introduced himself to me as) started to shine.

Having been told that kids are taught 3D hockey from a young age I was wary, however I swear this kid was playing 4D hockey as he moved the ball through time and space! Casper absolutely smoked me with a piece of blindingly good ball skill to the chorus of “OOOOHHHHHHHH!”, “WHAT THE F**K JUST HAPPENED!”, and “YOU GOT SCHOOLED BY A KID dP!” from the support on the side-line, cheers guys... This piece of skill still causes me nightmares and to wake in a cold sweat of dread. I still can’t figure what the hell happened.

The last 10 minutes and our hearing aids were also running out of power having put everything we had into attacking Guildford. Voices became raised but not one person stopped giving 100% of everything they had. It really was a fantastic effort from both sides.

Finally the whistle blows! The relief poured from Guildford who know they have just put in the performance of their season.

Frustrated but equally relieved the ZHG team wheeze off the pitch and try not to collapse in exhaustion. Damn it was a good game.

Well played to Guildford who put in a great performance and then joined us at the clubhouse after for some food and a good few beers/softdrinks, and to watch the Rugby.

Well done to Jack who won PoM, honourable mentions to dP, Brooks, Harvs, Colley, Joe, Terry and Hutch.

Thank you to Indy and AJ for umpiring.