COWHC Men's3s vs Spencer Harlequins - 02nd Dec 2017

Match Report – 2nd Dec 2017 – COWS M3 v Spencer Harlequins at Battersea Park – PB 3.30pm

The day started with the normal amount of meet time chaos. Keeper Terry making a heroic effort to get to East Croydon following a morning at work narrowly missed the meet time and subsequently found himself stranded at the station by the rest of the squad who helpfully then showered him with useful travel advice via WhatsApp. In an attempt to redeem themselves the rest of the team decided that they would wait for Terry at Battersea Park Station. With time to kill the squad decided to initiate the time honoured and internationally accepted way of passing time at a railway station and started a serious game of “Concourse Cricket” with a tennis ball and a hockey stick. Leg side shots for right handers inevitably ended the wrong side of the ticket barriers prompting multiple plaintiff requests of “can we have our ball back please mister”. Most fellow travellers were happy to oblige. As wickets fell, Indy came on to bowl to Hutch to bring a swift end to the game. This duly happened and not with the fall of another wicket, although this would have been a better outcome to the reality of the entire sorry situation. Unable to resist the temptation of the of a juicy half volley outside the off stump, Hutchy drove the tennis ball firmly into the extra cover area which happened to be the same location as the ticket machine and the unwitting rail customer quietly buying a ticket. Thankfully, the weather being cold, the unfortunate lady wearing the tennis ball in the middle of her back was sporting a lovely blue Primark puffer jacket (clearly the Barber shop in Battersea was closed when she went coat shopping), suffered no immediate ill effects once she had managed to get the wind back into her lungs. Game over. Much grovelling and offers of lunch/dinner eased the situation before keeper Terry arrived to usher us out and on our way to Battersea Park Astroturf. A DOTD worthy effort from Hutchy you would have thought, but oh no. More on this subject later on in the report.

The Google promised 5 minute walk to the astro was closer to 20 minutes but that didn’t matter the banter continued and even at this early stage it was obvious that spirits were high. The game ahead of ours had been cancelled but ladies had decided to use the pitch to practise on. There being plenty of space on the pitch and having been inspired by the “Concourse Cricket” Indy and Pardeep decided that a second match needed to take place and the proceeded to smash a hockey ball all over Battersea Park with scant consideration for the practise session at the other end of the astro. Serious injury having been avoided, the late comers arrived to get involved in the warm-up and pre-match preparation. Sam Thompson had kindly offered to umpire and soon got the game underway with a shrill blow on the whistle.

Early encounters were pretty even but a pattern developed about 10 minutes into the game as the superior ball speed and decision making of the Croydon team began to take its toll on Spencer. Showing great patience and a desire to retain the ball led to multiple incursions into the opposition D and some close chances that unfortunately were well saved by an extremely good keeper in the Spencer goal. Croydon continued to build with good possession in all departments of the field. Welcoming back Hugo Manson after a lengthy injury lay-off aided composure and clear hockey thinking giving Neil Fuhrmann plenty of options in front of him. Recycling and transferring the ball became the order of the day as we continued to probe the opposition D. Spencer went long ball to little effect as DP, Neil and Brooksy all had their men firmly where they wanted them. Lewis Testa had the measure of the guy that wasn’t quite marking him tight enough and continued to cause mayhem down our right flank. With 15 minutes to go, and having an increasing impact on the game, Indy and Pardeep Chatwell ripped the opposition defence apart allowing Pardeep and easy tap in from inches, 0 -1. The dominant possession allowed skipper DP and Hutchy to play higher up the pitch allowing multiple pivot options with Dave Colley and Dave Harvey excelling in the centre of the park. With no great pressure accruing for Spencer the half-time break came.

Lucky to have such talent as Jack Murphy and Adam Cady in the squad, substitutions happened frequently to cause great disruption to the opposition and three minutes into the second period another goal came through when Jack “sithed” into the D presenting another chance for Pardeep that he willingly took, 0 -2. In a rare trip into Croydon’s half of the pitch Spencer managed to get themselves back into the game when, on three occasions Croydon tried to clear the ball up the park rather than wide leading to a snatched shot by Spencer narrowly beating the very composed Terry Eeles on his left foot. Butterflies, and that age-old Croydon creeping self-doubt appeared momentarily before Dave Colley slipped ghostlike across the top of the oppositions D before tomahawking the ball and nutmegging the bewildered keeper. Let me just take you through that one more time as I can hear the disbelief. Butterflies, and that age-old Croydon creeping self-doubt appeared momentarily before Dave Colley slipped ghostlike across the top of the oppositions D before tomahawking the ball and nutmegging the bewildered keeper. Let me just take you through that one more time as I can hear the disbelief – there, it really did happen. Calm restored at 1-3 we then picked up the pace again as Spencer appeared deflated. Indy and Pads continued to maraud effectively with great work rate. Brooksy planted roots on the half way line providing excellent outlet ball whenever required and Lewis continued to run wild ahead of Brooksy. Quite happy to allow the ball to go harmlessly of the back line as Spencer continued with their pointless long ball game, Hutchy eventually fell foul to a Croydon deflection a long way up the park outside of his sight range and then failed to react to multiple request from his skipper to politely keep the ball in play. Ordinarily not enough to win you DOTD votes but on this occasion, with nearly a flawless performance from everyone else in the team, the dye was cast.

More pressure from Croydon, a flurry of shorties again defended well by their excellent keeper, eventually led to Pardeeps hattrick goal. Again, more patience in the D and a snatched chance well taken in the end. Contest over 1-4. With just a few minute to go Adam Cady capped off a good run out with a beautifully deflected goal to seal the game at 1-5. A potential banana skin avoided (looking at some of their home results), the squad adjourned to The Latchmere (again a 5 minute walk according to Google which was actually 20 minutes), for beers, votes and a debrief. Man of the match votes were spread around liberally with Pardeep and Lewis featuring amongst the favourites with Lewis taking the honours finally being the second week on the trot having won it last week as well playing for the 4’s. DOTD votes were split with Indy, Terry and Neil being pipped at the post by Hutch simply for being a little bit infirm!! Fair cop.

And so for the journey home. This time Uber managed to stuff up the distance and timing with Indy proclaiming “it’s just here, keep walking, it’s literally 20 yards now, Oh hang on that’s just changed to 200 yards”. Poor Jenks, he did look a little out of sorts at this point. Thankfully we walked straight onto a train at Clapham and the initiated the internationally recognised and accepted game for making the train journey go quickly – Train Hand Tennis. In a close game Indy beat Hutch 6-3 in the one and only set possible from Clapham to East Croydon sparing request from Hutch to stay on the train as far as Haywards Heath. Very few train passengers got hit in reality, most smiled, some even looked happy to retrieve the ball from beneath the seat in front of them for us.

All in all, a cracking day out. Great camaraderie, a belter of a game, a few beers and a lot of laugh. Fast forward to next Saturday and repeat.